there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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