Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
