I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
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Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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