I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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