Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
