im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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