remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize