She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he puts the penis in happiness.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
