I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
