I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
