I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
