i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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