I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
