I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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