Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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