If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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