I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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