How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
honey bunches of taint.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
