I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's rum buckets o'clock
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
