I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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