Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
