dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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