ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
