Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
