wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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