i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
