once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
