I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
