Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
