I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize