rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
