Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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