youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
