my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize
