Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
