dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
