I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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