Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
