You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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