Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
