Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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