Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
