He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
