My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
