if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
