the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
