Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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