My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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