He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
