well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize