I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
