yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
