i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
