I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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