I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
