my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
