The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
