Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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