My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
