Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
