I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
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