Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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