so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
